I don't understand why i draw. Maybe i start to get bored of drawing. Slept for at least 12 hours in a day because i scare to draw. I scare the moment when im awake i have to draw. I use to have life like this, wake up - college - back home - assignment - sleep. See, all the time im facing is draw. I've been thinking all the way, what job can i do when im graduate. None. The classmates having their own dreams to become a concept artist, an illustrator. But i have no dream. I just always think of after graduate i have to go back kuantan to stay at there till i die. No doubt, i love there coz my family stay at there. So what for im studying now? My drawing skill are sucks. Work get rejected, and i scare of attend the class. I scare whatever i pass up, i get reject. Then i have to redo again, and if not i will fail. My imagination are sucks, i don't understand why im in illustration this course. Compare to classmates and senior's work, i can jump from 20 floor. My color sense are like color-blindness. The acrylic i use the whole night also cant get the right color. At the end, i lied to myself that i have serious sick to sleep earlier. I always gave myself stupid reason. So end up i didnt attended the class. And so lucky the class canceled that day and everyone got fuck up coz they stayed awake the whole night just to finish the piece of acrylic. I have no art sense. The photograph i took for the class always get rejected as well. (why i always get rejected? coz im sucks) We went to Melacca for the photography field trip. End up when i checked back the 600+ photos i taken, realize that none of the picture suit to the title that lecturer gave us. And end up i still haven take photo for the title color and reflection. Why i have to live like this? I don't fucking understand.
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